6 Steps to making lasting changes: Why do you do what you do? 

“Why can’t I change?”

“I keep sabotaging myself.”

“I can’t because______”

Do you keep finding excuses, fault finding another person, blaming, rationalizing, and justifying that you can’t make lasting changes? 

There are 6 Steps you can take immediately to facilitate permanent change. None of them are “easy.” But neither is staying stuck in a web of self destructive patterns. Be INTENTIONAL about change: 

1. Come out of your own denial. 

2. Accept the truth about yourself. 

3. Focus on YOUR behavior, and learn the emotions that are driving it.

4.  Stop blaming other people or circumstances for your behavior. 

5. Let go of being the “victim.” 

6. Commit to changing as though your life depends on it. 

And for many, it DOES. 
When you spin in a muck of self defeating choices, it’s exhausting. 
Can we get honest and really raw for a minute? Let’s talk about YOU. And me. And. All of us. But mostly, YOU. (And probably me again, you know how I am  😁😉)

But seriously. I want you to understand something that I keep learning over and over and over and over…again. 
It’s THIS: 

You cannot keep looking outside of yourself for something that starts INSIDE. (I want you to repeat that.) 

Most of us have some demons to battle, would you agree? And maybe you have giant ones?

Know that others do too. ❤️ 

You are not alone. 
And yet, MANY people DO make lasting changes. 

So why do they, when others don’t? 

It’s because they are WILLING to do the personal work required to change. 
The work isn’t easy. It takes years of perseverance and willingness. But staying stuck in patterns that don’t serve you is suffocating, depressing, and for some, even deadly. 

Some examples: Did you know stress not managed can actually kill you? If you’ve ever suffered from severe fatigue, you’ve probably worn out your adrenal system by not actively managing your stress levels. 

 A food addiction will add 10-500 lbs of toxic fat to your body, until you develop all sorts of other diseases. We call them “comorbidities” in the medical world. It means, you added so much toxic fat on your body that now all systems are failing. 

If your challenge is finding a lasting partner in life and years and years go by without that, maybe you’re not committing to your relationships?  

See all the areas we stay “victimized” when reality is, it’s our own doing? 

You HAVE to draw a line in the sand and say “I will not tolerate my own excuses anymore” and get to the core of what creates your results- good or bad. 
Only so much of your life will go by with you constantly making excuses for what you “should be doing” or could’ve had, before you get really sick of your own excuses. HOPEFULLY that’s the case. 

And when you are ready to leave “denial” into acceptance that you have self sabotaging behaviors you must begin by asking yourself these questions: 
What are my patterns? (Self sabotage)

What are my excuses? (Denial/victim hood)

Why do I do what I do? (Admitting powerlessness) 

And ….

What do I refuse to see? (Denial/victim hood/Admitting) 

Friends, there isn’t one person alive that isn’t in denial of some behavior. We are human, and we will always walk imperfectly. 

I want you to look in the mirror today, ask those very questions with INTENT, and answer them with HONESTY. If you do it right, I’d expect some emotional detoxifying. 😢 

Understand that YOU are the only one who really knows why you do what you do. And- if you say you don’t know why, you don’t actually care, and  you’re still in denial. 

Let me try to explain something I’ve learned while working through my own pain, and self defeating behavior. 

Success in any area results from behavior. 

Behavior results from emotions.

 And most emotions and non serving patterns stem from traumatic events from child or adulthood. We have ALL had events that in one way or another, that created most of the feelings that drive us daily. 

And truth: It takes a HELL of a lot of personal work to overcome self sabotaging behaviors, such as obesity, (food) addictions, commitment issues, and….honesty, ANY area of life where you consistently fail. I could write a book on self sabotaging behaviors alone. Personal work is not a series of jumping jacks and you overcome. It’s a one day at a time process, where you have to put in the work DAILY to overcome your own bulls*** stories you’ve been telling yourself for years. 

Truth is: Many people live as “victims,” and continue to create crap stories they perpetually feed themselves in order to stay the victim. 

I know. I am one of them. And my victim mentality rears its ugly head, still too often. That being said, I’m a better woman for admitting that. And you are a better person if you can admit that too. 

It’s progress. 

If you fly into defense mode when someone else is confronting your behavior, understand you’re assuming the “victim role.” 

Until you confront yourself on your own behavior, or you have someone honest (like me, or another coach) to confront you, you will not make permanent progress. ❤️❤️❤️
Understand this: We all require people to support and help us to make changes. And we absolutely require God. There are people who have overcome enough of their own crap to assist you. You will find them coaching, teaching, leading and sharing their stories. Realize though-that no one can reach you or help you when you’re stuck in denial, not doing enough of your personal work, and hanging on the nail of “victim hood.” 

You are NOT a victim. It’s just a story you created for yourself to stay addicted to your own pain and self sabotage. 

Understand that no one can be helped who’s determined to stay the VICTIM. 

If sustained change is really what you value, you require getting to the core of these questions: 

“Why do I do what I do, and what am I refusing to see?” 

Love you guys. ❤️

Xoxo. 

Dori  

 

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